the skeleton
by devalued
Summary: ew


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 **the skeleton**

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It's the kind of feeling you get when you hit 'shuffle' on the playlist, and think, _oh gee I hope_ that _song doesn't play_ \- but it does.

That's the kind of feeling when you realise.

The empty, frustrated realisation - it makes you want to reach into your chest and switch the pain off. Switch it all off, block it all out, go to sleep. Don't want to think about it, acknowledge it. Just want to forget it.

Three is always an odd number. A sad number. You know how the saying goes - "Two's a party, three's a crowd." There's always one left over. An extra. Two people always get along better than the other. It's just - just a universal rule or something.

Yeah.

How could I not see this coming? How could I not see it when it was right in front of me? All along I'd been there, being slowly pushed away into the background, to rot and fade away like a distant memory.

It hurts.

It hurts, it hurts, it _hurts_ -

Why does it have to happen? Why does it always - always happen to _me?_ Why am I never someone's special _someone_ \- part of the _two_ in a three?

I just hate it, you know. I hate feeling so worthless, while everyone else is too happy. Smiling, not caring.

Fold me over and put me away into your drawer, where you'll leave me to collect dust like an old hanky. Then when you need me, you'll return, and we'll see each other again for a while -

When you're finished, put me away again and forget I ever existed.

 _._

"God, you're slow today, Rin," Miku says with a huff as she and Len look back at me from further up the hill.

I glance up from my feet, picking up my pace. "Yeah?"

It's almost impossible to miss their grazing hands, yearning for each other's touch - but it's all a secret, something I'm not supposed to see.

Len bites his lip. "Maybe we're just walking too fast, Miku."

The tealette rolls her eyes, twisting a strand of hair around her finger, almost like she's saying, _don't make her go any slower, I just want her to leave so we can make out or something_.

It's not like I don't know. I _do_ know. It's right there in front of me - I've _seen_ them - kissing, cuddling, touching. It's almost _repulsive_. They think I don't notice their sneaking off in lunch breaks or secret meets outside of school - _I do_. I'm not an idiot, though Miku seems so adamant to make out I am.

She's changed a lot, lately.

I stop a few metres away from them, finding an excuse to escape. I used to know these people - I used to _like_ them, anyway - but now they're strangers, caught up in some cynical romance behind my back. My chest aches, but I ignore it, swallowing.

"Um… actually, I just remembered something," I say slowly. "Mum asked me to grab something from the supermarket on the way home - I've, um, gotta go do that."

Len's eyebrows meet in the middle of his forehead, and Miku struggles to hide her pleasure about my lie. "Oh, okay," the tealette is quick to talk, before Len probably suggests, _let's go with her_. "Well, we'll go on ahead. See you tomorrow."

She turns away and starts to walk off, leaving Len with no choice to quickly murmur, "See ya!" and run after her.

Typical.

Soon I'll just disappear, disappear until there's nothing left of me - until they don't acknowledge me at all.

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I really liked him, I really did. But I hid those feelings because I didn't want to ruin 'us'. I didn't want to break the 'trio'.

Well, not only were those feelings _unrequited_ , but I was also competing with my best friend - who won, might I add.

So, I had no chance - I _have_ no chance, I will never have a chance. My feelings don't matter, I guess. I could call them out on it, I could get angry about it - I could tell them how _I_ feel, but I don't want to be selfish.

I don't want to lose them, even though I'm already losing them.

"Rin?" Len looks surprised.

And guilty.

I heard Miku's voice before, from somewhere inside the house. His face is flushed, lips looking swollen. His hair falls lazily, messily around features that have been seemingly carved by the gods.

I look down at my hand, remembering why I'm 'visiting'. It was originally a plan to confirm my suspicions - and that had happened - and my 'intention' to drop in at possibly the _worse_ time was to give him back some books he lent me over the summer.

If Miku wasn't there, hiding inside, I would've asked to stay.

But she is.

"Um, before I forget," I say, holding out the bag in my hand. "Here's the books I owe you. I was - um, out this way, so I thought I'd drop them off. I've gotta run, anyway, so - uh, sorry for disturbing you."

I try to drop the hint that _I know_ , but I'm not sure whether they'll pick it up or not. They seem to be pretty ignorant about me, anyway - let alone probably how I feel at the moment. If I just stopped coming to school, cut all ties with them, I wonder what they'd think? Would they even notice I'm gone?

I give him a friendly smile while he takes it from me uncertainly. "Oh. Thanks - I wasn't - I totally forgot about them."

Yeah. Like me - your other best friend?

"No worries. See you tomorrow at school."

Before I walk away, I'm tempted to yell out, _bye Miku!_ but I decide I should just keep it to myself. I should keep all the bitterness to myself - no one else should have to deal with it.

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We're at dinner, and my parents are nervous for some reason.

Then Mum clears her throat, eyes darting across the table to my father, as if looking for some sort of assistance. But he keeps his gaze down on his dinner, like he's sulking or something.

"Um, Rin… we have something to talk about with you," she begins.

My mouth is full, so I go, "Mm?"

Dad glances up this time, and they reach across the table to hold hands. I press my lips together, concerned why they're acting so… _strange_.

"We… your father got a promotion. At work. He's been asked to take a manager position at another practice over in Yokohama." They cast anxious looks at each other, gulping. "The catch is… Yokohama is pretty far away, Rin. It'd take almost two hours for you to get to school. And the promotion comes with a temporarily house that's free of rent, and cheaper fee for one of the schools there. It's a really good deal - we'll be living closer to your grandmother, too."

I pick at some vegetables with my chopsticks, and ignore the heavy feeling sinking in my chest. "So we're going to move?" It didn't take much for me to guess it.

Their eyebrows furrow, and unease crosses over their faces. "Well, no, if you're really against it, Rin -"

"You can do it," I tell them hastily. "I don't really care."

"We just thought you'd be worried about leaving all your friends behind," Dad states. "I mean, you could still meet up in Tokyo of course, but…"

I shrug my shoulders. "It doesn't matter."

They both share pleasantly surprised expressions. "Are you sure, Rin?" Mum asks, her voice softening.

"Yeah." I stand from the dinner table, grasping my plate with my hands. "It's really good, Dad getting a promotion. I'm not going to be against it just because I'll have to go to another school. That's just… stupid."

Then I leave.

If I wasn't the odd one out, maybe I wouldn't be so careless. But I guess this'll just prove the point that they - Miku, Len - won't even notice I'm gone.

 _It's for the best_ , I tell myself. But the waterworks start before I reach my room.

 _It's for the best…_

 _._

"Is it really true you're moving, Rin?" Gumi, one of my classmates, asks when she sees me loading my bag with a portion of my locker's content.

I glance around, checking no one's eavesdropping, then answer, "Yeah. Next week. Mum and Dad tried to hold it off until around break so it doesn't affect my studies too much."

She pouts. "Yokohama's pretty far, though. What are you going to do with Len and Miku? They know, right? They don't seem very sad about it."

I pause. "Oh… um." I shuffle the papers in my hand, staring down at the bleeding letters of my name written across the tops of my slippers. "I haven't… said anything about it, yet."

"Why not? They're going to be even more upset when they find out they're the last ones to know!" she cries.

"I don't know… they seem pretty occupied with each other, lately," I mumble, zipping up my bag. I swallow hard to stop myself from choking up. Not a good time for this, Rin. "Sometimes I think they probably won't even know I'll be gone."

Gumi is silent for a few moments, before I look up at her. She looks… ashamed. "You… you realised they were dating?"

I feel a bitter smile fight its way onto my lips. "Doesn't everyone know already?" Standing, I swing my bag over my shoulder and watch her. "I mean, everyone except me, because I'm not supposed to know."

"Oh… Rin," she utters, voice ridden with remorse, fiddling with the hem of her skirt. "I… I'm sorry."

"Don't be," I say. My voice trembles and I clamp my mouth shut, fearing any more words coming out could be my undoing. There's nothing worse than crying in front of other people.

Gumi then reaches over and gives me a hug. "They insisted you _didn't_ know," she murmurs, "so I never said anything about it. You could have - you could have always talked to me, you know? I mean, there's not much I could do…" She pulls away to look at me. I hold my breath, trying to stop the tears from spilling out. "I - I'm sorry. I won't talk about it anymore."

I inhale shakily, closing my eyes and wiping my sweaty palms against my skirt. "It's fine. Thank you, Gumi."

She gives me a small, uncertain smile, and squeezes my shoulder. "I'm always here. I know we're not _close_ friends, but…" I smile back at her, though forced, and she then sighs. "I'll let you go, now. Maybe you should tell them soon, though…"

"Yeah, I will," I say over my shoulder as I start off down the hallway, away from her.

Gumi gives me a small wave goodbye.

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It's the worst way to probably break the news, but it's something that had to be done.

I know they meet always in one of the empty music rooms on the top floor within the first ten or fifteen minutes of lunch - after they'd shown up late a couple of times, I'd grown suspicious and followed Miku once. That was how I discovered it all, initially - the quick kisses hidden from the eyes of their other, long-forgotten best friend.

I wait outside the music classrooms, massaging my fingers into my palms anxiously. Eventually I see Miku's tell-tale teal hair, and Len's blonde tuft in the reflection of the door across from where I stand, and push myself off the wall, anticipating their emergence from the classroom.

"We're twenty minutes into lunch, Rin's probably wondering where we are -" Len's voice is saying, until both their eyes fall on me.

It's like they've seen a ghost.

"Nope, not at all," I respond, folding my arms over my stomach. I feel bad for what I'm doing - I feel bad for existing - but it's the best way to hit them with all the bad news at once. Len opens his mouth to say something, but I cut him off. "I knew where you were, what you were doing every lunch since the beginning of the term."

Miku frowns, and Len begins to speak again, "We… we didn't… we weren't -" He cuts off, stumbling over his excuse.

I sigh and close my eyes. "I'm not here to talk about that. I'm here to tell you that I'm not going to be at school after break. Or going to be at school maybe ever. So. You don't have to hide your stupid relationship from me anymore. It doesn't matter."

"W - what do you mean?" Len chokes out, eyebrows meeting in the middle of his forehead. Even Miku looks slightly confused - whether she cares or not, I'll probably never know. She's recently become more a stranger to me than Len has.

"I'm moving," I deliver. "I'm moving this weekend to Yokohama, and I'm going to be attending a new school there. But you guys were so caught up with each other, I never really got around to telling you two. Just in case you happen to return after break and wonder maybe after two weeks of my absence where I am - not that I'd expect you guys would, but, yeah. I guess it's polite to tell you two first before disappearing like that."

Miku then puts her hands on her hips, and I can tell the flames are coming.

"Are you bitter because it's not your fairy-tale happy ending? Is that it? Because at the end of the day, a group of three is never really a _thing?_ "

"I'm bitter because people I thought who were my friends never really cared about my feelings. I'm bitter because they kept things from me. I'm bitter because I waited this long to tell you because you were so ignorant."

My voice comes out surprisingly strong. But on the inside, I feel like I'm shattering - like something inside me is _exploding_.

"I'm sorry we have to end on terms like this," I continue. "But maybe you should think about how the 'third person' feels before you do things for yourselves, because I thought you were my _friends_ , and now I wonder whether you two were ever really there for me, or just waiting for the right time to jump into each other's pants."

I call it a day and don't wait for their replies. I turn away and storm downstairs, feeling the emotions weigh down on me as I walk back to my classroom.

I wish things didn't have to end like that.

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"Rin," he calls out, but I pretend I don't hear him. His hand touches my shoulder and I turn around. On seeing my face, his gaze softens and lips twist down. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for not being honest, for not realising I was hurting you. I was just… worried of hurting you in the first place. I understand if you don't forgive me, I really do. But still - I - I'm sorry about everything. You mean a lot to me."

Len looks down at me, with that pitiful gaze of his. It's almost condescending - I know he doesn't mean it - but…

"I appreciate… it. You mean a lot to me, too." This is the part where the girl gets the guy - they kiss in the sunset under the autumn trees, and it's a happy-ending. But Miku's right. I don't get my fairy-tale. Not now, at least. "I liked you a lot, you know? I liked you more than a friend. But I never told anyone, or let it get in the way of our friendship, because I didn't want to make everything… awkward. I'm glad I didn't, because I would've just embarrassed myself in front of you, wouldn't've I? I would have to hear you say, 'I like someone else'. That someone being… Miku."

He looks down at his feet, rubbing his face like it has an itch. "Rin…"

"I guess it just wasn't something that was fated for me," I mumble. "Thanks for apologising, I guess."

Len inhales. "Will - will we hang out again?"

"I don't know. I'm hurt. I don't want to pretend nothing happened."

"Alright. Well…" That look in his eyes. It's like he, himself, is hurt. But what for? What reason?

"I hope things go well with Miku," I add, taking a step away to head off. The bag on my shoulder feels heavy, for some reason, makes me not want to move away from him. In a way, I just want to shrug it off - or something.

His lips press together, and his eyebrows meet. "Yeah. Thanks. I hope everything goes well for you. A new school…"

At this moment, I wish I could just turn around and say, _no, it won't. I'm scared. I don't know how to make friends. I just wanted to stay with you guys._

But… that's a bit pointless, now - it's going to happen, anyway. _This_. Moving. A new life. Maybe new friends, if I'm lucky, anyway.

I just pretend that it's all okay.

"Thank you." I then check my watch, and say, "I need to go. Thanks for seeing me off."

Len smiles, something small, and shoves his hands into his pockets. "No - no worries." He pauses, hesitating on his words. "I'll… miss you."

The words escape my lips before I can think them over:

"I'll miss you, too."

Then, it's all over.

I'm walking away - disappearing out of people's lives, and the only trace that's left of me is the past, like a skeleton in the dirt. Eventually, they'll forget about me, and hopefully I'll forget about them - one day.

But for now, put me away in the drawer, and when you need me, get me out again.

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end

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"...Rin?"

She sits in the corner of the cafe, consumed by the book in front of her. Her attention wavers on hearing her name called from across the shop, and glances up in the direction of the voice. Her eyes meet a pair of familiar blue gaze staring back at her.

Before she can stop herself, she finds herself greeting back in an exhale, "Len."

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blehhhhhh

I tried to do something different, yeahhhhh. not beta'd because I'm lazY! only checked over by moi and /flicks hair into eyes/ _obviously I am ze master at Engrishu_ (cough, snort, cough)

kind of a vent piece, and written in a different way (-ish?) to how I normally write (which is, more or less, worse than this?). I need to expand my horizons, also. my next goal is to write a fanfic not rinlen-centric and _also a lemon of some sort_. hmm, delicious. (screams out of fear of the unknown)

blah blah, blah. feel free to let me know what you think. or, you know, don't. just. click on this. read it. and leave. bc ur an arse.

arigatooo gozamasi's weeaboochans for readings! my kokoro goes dokidokis 4 u! make sure you read my other fanfics! and find my main account! ( _and terrorise me goddamn I'm so bored there's nothing happening on here besides Len fangirls whining about how awful Rinchanchan is for existing and being a babe. don't insult my Rinchanchan. bitches, fite me._ )


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